Haiku

Life is a nice thing
Just cherish every moment
& you will be good
          

How im feeling

I really havent been feeling like myself lately.
I dont know what it is or whats going on within me
but a negative stream got me flowing with it.
Im constantly battling with myself to stay positive about anything
Basketball has always been my biggest motivation and love
& I feel like im giving up on that too. 
I know no one can do anything for me but shxt is just real hard.
Im constantly struggling and Im at the point where I really just 
want to give up. No motivation talk or anything. 
Its just hard an complicated. Im only writing this because i cant talk 
to no one because I doubt anyone will even understand. 
Writing is something i always fell back on when words couldnt come out
but its like im giving up on this too. 
ah! I know life is what yu make it but how can someone make the best 
when shxt feels all negative around them?


P.s & i always told myself never let them see you sweat because thats exactly what they want. Im not sweating but damn sure feel like it. I know ima get through this. 

"Dare to be different"

  I can't understand why people are frightened of new ideas. I'm frightened of the old ones- John Cage

Life-Henry Ford

        "Life is a series of experiences, each one of which makes us bigger even though its hard to realize this. For the world was built to develop character and we must learn that the setbacks and griefs which we endure help us in our marching onward. "

Something Special Someone wrote to me =]

There aree a thOusandd tearss tO a smiilee andd there are a thOusandd peOplee Outt there tO makee iitt wOrthh whiilee.



Whiilee ii wuss hOmee remmiiniisen abOutt thee tiimess iin thee pastt, everytiimee yOu wrOtee mee ii cracked a smiilee andd lauqhh =)


Love iiss sumthiinqq yOu takee yOu hOldd iin yahh heartt fOrevah nOe matter whatt thiinqqss aree thee Outt cOme. my heartt iiss chaiinedd upp w. thiiss speciiall lOckk thatt Onlyy One persOn can Open!*


ii qavee myy heartt tO manyy andd camee backk w. nuffiin iin thee endd, butt wen ii lOOk att yOu ii wunnaa fiiqhtt thiiss shiitt tiill thee endd evenn w. all siins!*


ii`vee pushedd thiinqqss iinn myy liifee becauusee ii thOuqhtt ii wuss makeiinqq shiitt riiqhtt,butt all ii diid wuss makee iitt wOrst, thenn yOu can alOnqq andd shiinedd iitt sO briiqhtt!* andd iimaa stiill keep pushiinqq because ii Onlyy thiink iitss riiqhtt, butt ii wantt yOu tO bee byy myysiidee tiill ii hiitt thee liiqhtt.


ii been iinn thee darkness fOr tO lOnqq nOww andd yOu aree my leader sO lead the wayy. tiimess aree qOiinqq tO bee hardd becausee Of thee amOuntt Of spacee.


yOu aree thee batteryy tO myy flash liiqhtt andd w. Outt yOu ii cOulddntt see. thiinqqs seemedd bluryy tO mee becausee all ii wuss seeiinqq wuss shiitt ii cOuldntt bee!*


Wenn ii Openn myy eyess ii realiizedd thatt there sOmethiinqq abOutt yOu thattss makeiinqq mee wantt yOu mOre andd mOre, andd thatt yOur kiindness. thiinqqss iinn liifee dOntt cOmee thatt easyy butt yOu camee thrOuqh myy wiindOww liikee sOmee Onee flew yOu iin andd sentt yOu tO mee andd nOww iitss thiiss bliindness thatt upOnss mee.


As tiime qOess byy andd ii walk awayy ii lOOk att yahh facee andd sayy, there iss Onlyy One thiinqq iinn
thhiiss wOrldd that ii wOUldd ask fOr andd thattss tO havee yOu andd manyy mOree.

Your loss

i forgave you even though you were a sin in disguise



I was nieve which brought me to this pain as i think of your lies


My heart was too tied up My concious thouhgt i'd see


But instead your existance just blinded me


I know they say life goes on and things happen


But how can i manage


If it was ur air that i was constantly graspin?


Keep it pushing is what they'll say


You deserve better anyway


But yet they dont understand.


When i was falling down i was grabbing your hand.


You knew but you refused to let me know


You still love me in your own way


but because the lust of another you gota let me go


Let me flow like the waves in a ocean.


You had a nigga open heart swollen


When thigns hit me i thought my air ways was closing.


Im happy though. I realized


I realized your were a ignorant bxtch in disguise


Opening my eyes from that dream i was dreaming.


So i thank you for all the pain you caused


Because now im saying Its your loss.


You'll pay the cost as karma hits you


Leaving you a mark


& by then you'll be something i forgot.
 
P.s People never realize what they got until they long gone and done moved on.

Some day I'll realize.

Chance, everyone always talks of chance including me 

If you dont take chance then one is less likely to see what could be. 

Chance, something i let slip away because instead of her 

you;re on my mind day to day.

The problem is my heart points one way 

whispering with yu is where it will stay.

Sometimes i want to go away, so you can see 

you cant always take advantage of me. 

It hurts me!

It hurts me to think about the past and we said forever we will last?

It hurts me to know that the one who loves me loves another the same way, 

but knowing this still i stay, 

and yu act as if im just some game you play

I dont want it to, but its on my mind up to this day. 

This pain is unpleasurable and I dont mean to throw it in your face 

but this shxt is something dat cant be erased.

I love you i swear i do 

its just hard to accept the fact and let it flow. 

but In my heart i know im nieve and eventually i'll just have to let you go. 


P.s sometimes the strongest thing to do is let go even if you dont want to. Like marilyn monroe said 
its better to be unhappy alone rather then unhappy with someone.

I thought i loved you,
But i think i lied.
For every time i smiled
I also cried.
You made me happy 
Yet you made me sad.
Thought you were everything
But you remind me of sumone i had.
I thought you were different
But you proved me right.
You proved you're not worth the fight.
So im turning off this light and saying goodnight.

Mind & heart

You stole the spot light
You and her came to light
dimming my light.
I thought i was ready
My heart warned me
But i followed my mind
& its your hand i cant find.
You said forever
My heart said nothing last that long
I disobeyed and like a game 
I got played.
You made me want to run in my grave
At a early age.
But god sent me an angel
and i got saved
I was at the edge
Ready to jump off
Nobody would have considered
Its would be just another life loss.
I would have gave it all up
But whats anything without trust?

Lonely Assassin

Back where i started
Another dead end
Look at certain faces 
& I wana go further in
A detailed lie is always told
As you look further 
The truth unfolds
back to where fairy tales are told,
Back to where people dont care,
Back to where I turn
And see no body there
Careless days passing
For, I am the lonely assassin